Unnoticed
by rizahawkeye21
Summary: a series of ramblings about Riza and Roy. Rating for language. full of pain and suffering. more Riza's POV.
1. Clumsy Fingers

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Clumsy Fingers

She couldn't believe how clumsy she was today. Earlier that morning she had dropped her ammo as she had been reloading her gun at the shooting range. A little earlier than that she had dropped Black Hayate's water dish which spilt the water everywhere almost taking forever to clean up and now this.

Riza had been stapling some papers together when a sharp pain erupted in her index finger. When she looked at it blood seeped underneath the fingernail. Riza shook her hand by means of releasing the pain from her fingers. Of course she hadn't meant for Colonel Mustang to see her pain.

Seeing as she usually hid her pain, she felt slightly embarrassed as the Colonel asked,

"Is your hand all right first lieutenant?"

"Yes I'm fine." An automatic response escaped Riza's mouth. The Colonel nodded his head and bent down over his work.

Riza just shook her head at herself, _how could you be so clumsy? You're losing your mind you know that? _She could only shake her head at herself over and over again as she applied pressure to her index finger.

Eventually the pain wore away, but still the fact remained that she was uncoordinated this morning. Just as the clock on the west wall struck twelve, a book had mysteriously dropped on her hands squashing them. A small yelp managed to escape her lips and was heard by the Colonel.

Everyone besides the Colonel and her had already left for lunch. So no one was there to see what happened next. Roy, hearing Riza yelp, hurried to her side. He looked into her eyes seeing a hint of pain deep within them.

"Are you ok Lieutenant?" The Colonel asked.

"Yes I'm fine." Riza responded. Apparently Roy must have heard a pinch of ache in her voice for he took her hand in his. He brought her hand up to his lips.

"Don't lie Lieutenant. I can see it in your eyes." His voice crawled across her skin, his hot breath melting into her hand. Riza stood there in shock. _Am I really that easy to read? _

Roy smiled against her hand. Kissing every slender finger so lightly Riza felt something between Roy and her; something, spark. Riza pulled her hand away slowly. The both of them leaned in to each other, only centimeters apart from the other's lips.

"I never knew you, Riza, could be so clumsy." Roy whispered on to her lips.

"Neither did I." Riza numbly responded.

A/N: So what did u think of this? I got this idea when I hurt my fingers in pe by smacking my hand with a tennis racket lol… anyways this is a drabble I believe its called or a very short one shot… anyways R&R thanks!

Edited: 3/12/06


	2. She Never Cried

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

She Never Cried

He caught up with her. He had grabbed her by the shoulders spinning her around. He got the surprise of his life when he found tears in her eyes.

She never cried.

Roy knew his best friend never cried. She looked up at him with her chocolate glazed eyes and breathed in a horribly shaken voice,

"Roy… please… will you hold… me?"

She collapsed into his arms, holding onto his chest tightly. Her voice broke into a sob as she trembled there in his arms shaking him as well.

Roy pulled her closer into his arms, "Sh… it's okay Riza… you're safe here with me…" Inside he was dumbfounded. Riza never **ever** cried. Whether she played her hardest in PE, getting kicked in the shin hard enough to make him cry or even if someone close to her dying such as her grandmother passing away last Fall.

Although Roy had never seen Riza cry he knew she had been hurting on the inside. He knew she was kind yet unable or not wanting to reveal her emotions to others. Roy never understood how she kept her feelings under wraps even in the most chaotic of situations.

He held her close letting all those tears from past years finally roll down her cheeks. Once her sobs subsided he pushed her back just far enough to see her face glistening with wetness.

"You know… you look so beautiful when you cry."

Before she could reply he leaned into her mouth easing his lips onto hers, forming a passionate kiss.

**A/N:** another up in one day! Yey! lol as ive said this was an idea I had when I was sitting in class feeling hopeless like usual. Please review!

Edited: 3/12/06


	3. Past Girlfriends

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Past Girlfriends

I was thirteen when I had my first girlfriend. She had the standard blonde hair and blue eyes. She had asked me out and I said yes. After only two weeks she had become clingy. So clingy she called anytime of night all the time. Her voice rang in my ears annoyingly. I had to break up with her. The break up though didn't go quite well. Tears had spilt from her eyes which soon, over the next few weeks, turned into pure and utter loathing of me.

The next girl that asked me out was nice enough. She had really pretty chestnut hair and green eyes. This relationship went down the drain when I caught her kissing some other guy that I didn't even know. I dumped her on the spot.

I had many one-week girlfriends for at least a couple weeks after that. Meeting these women in bars and clubs. I was lucky if these relationships, if you could call them that, lasted two weeks. I drafted into the military sometime around eighteen. I can't quite remember.

During the Ishbalan (sp?) War I went around to every tent that had a woman stationed in it. I flirted with them, yes, yet none of them caught my eye. Then on the battlefield a woman's voice rang out, one that I hadn't heard yet. I only saw her briefly but saw something in her I didn't see in the others. She had the potential to become a loyal and respecting officer; not to mention that after just one glance, her authority entranced me. I remember her blonde hair short like a boy's, shouting commands to other soldiers. I never saw her eyes and forgot about her when the war ended.

I was promoted through out the years. A woman was then stationed underneath me in my squadron. She had short blonde hair, so short in fact that if you hadn't seen her from the front you would have suspected she was a guy. Her eyes were a hazel chocolate color that bore into mine when I didn't finish, or rather do my paperwork. Her voice was familiar.

By now I was twenty-five. I had had so many girlfriends it really isn't worth mentioning. All of them though, I'll tell you, where one night stands. When I wasn't at the office I was either at home with Hughes or drinking late into the night even after he left for home and his pregnant wife.

The office atmosphere changed when I was twenty-six. The woman who had been Second Lieutenant or something like that was promoted to First Lieutenant. She started to take control of the office even though I was above her. Her name, First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye. After her promotion I hardly ever had time to drink or go to bars and clubs. She always kept me late. So late in fact that sometimes we never went home. She would have me slave away at paperwork until every single piece was signed.

The next day I was so sleepy I could hardly keep my eyes open. Something about her reminded me of someone I knew long ago. I couldn't quite remember.

It wasn't until a couple days ago at the age of twenty-nine that I remembered who she was. She was the woman I had first glimpsed during the war. Her features were way different now. It was a wonder I figured out who she was. Her, then, short boyish hair was long and ALWAYS clipped up in a clasp. Her eyes I knew had been the same. Her voice though. Her voice had changed a lot. Back then it was just a military shout, now it was almost as if she were singing the commands.

I always wondered why she was different. How she didn't ask me out like every other girl I'd known. How could she resist my charm?

My answer came soon enough. She would risk her life for me. She pushed me to get to the top, to make something of my life. None of the others had given a damn about my goals in life. All the other girls saw was a sexy military man who could manipulate fire. I knew Riza could see something more. She saw my goals, my determination.

Although I knew she wasn't effected by my charm it didn't effect me in mind that much. Which to me was strange.

One night we had stayed late to, of course, finish my paperwork that I had procrastinated.

"You know Colonel you really should get a girlfriend." She said out of the blue.

"Not that its any of your business I have my eye on a girl at the moment." I responded hoping she would catch on. She took that bait.

"Oh? Who is she?" Riza asked curiously.

"You might know her." I replied.

"I might?"

"Yeah. She has long blonde hair, hazel eyes and is sitting in this room in your chair who's now shuffling through paperwork that isn't even hers." I concluded.

Riza had gone stiff. She turned to look at me sharply but was met by my eyes, which were only centimeters from hers. She gulped.

"Sir-" Her voice was cut off by my mouth against hers. I gently pushed my tongue into her mouth where the next thing I knew I was being pushed away.

Catching her breath she stared at the floor. I knelt at her side bring her head up, cupped it in my hands.

"It's ok Riza. No one's here. It's only… only us." She had leaned in pressing her lips against mine. I nibbled at her lower lip before trying once again to drive my tongue into her mouth. This time she didn't pull back but return the favor.

The kiss ended when she removed herself from me. I looked at her. What was wrong? Do I kiss bad or something? She must have sensed the question in my head for she spoke up,

"Nothing's wrong like that. It's just… I feel uncomfortable." I stood up next to her wrapping my arms around her. I pulled her close to me, my head resting on the top of her head.

"Is there anyway I can make you feel better?" I asked as I kissed along her neck up to her ear.

I heard a sound escape her mouth, pulling away to look at her she said,

"You already have."

**A/N: **here's another. This idea of Roy remembering all his past girlfriends came from the song 100 years by Five for Fighting. The song was told in ages so I thought I would use that idea. Please review!

Edited: 3/12/06


	4. Thinking of Him

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Thinking of Him

As she lied there in her bed, cold and alone, Riza Hawkeye stared up at the ceiling. She couldn't stop thinking about him. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't quit thinking about Roy Mustang.

Turning over so she lied on her right side she wondered where he was, what he was doing and hoping most of all that he was thinking of her as often as she did him. She wanted so much for him to hold her in his strong arms and never let her go.

He was her only protection from her fears. His touch made her melt, gentle and caring his smile was; whispers of little words in her ears. Oh how she longed for him, how her mind wanted to deny she loved him but for her, heart triumphed over mind.

Staring up at her whitewashed ceiling she hoped he was thinking of her…

rizahawkeye21

**A/N:** sorry this one is so short… like yes? no? please review!


	5. Thinking of Her

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Thinking of Her

Roy almost drowned himself in alcohol. The whole evening since _she_ had left he had drank more than then shots ever half an hour repeatedly. He wanted to love her but his job restrained him from allowing them to be.

Every day he stole a glance at Riza when she wasn't paying any attention. The blonde color of her hair highlighted the room as well as lit up almost ever detail on her face. Her eyes were, _lord were they the most gorgeous eyes in the world _Roy thought in his absentmindedness state.

Her heavenly, mahogany colored eyes penetrate his black ones on a daily basis. In astonishment, Roy wondered how she knew him so well. Almost too well. _Well she's known me for how many years? _He hiccuped. Roy knew that wasn't what he was getting at. It was just the fact that she could sense how and what he thought, knowing if he was depressed, uncomfortable or happy. Or was it how she knew what he was going to say next that got to him?

Hiccuping uncontrollably, Roy slid out of his desk chair onto the floor. Crawling with difficulty he managed to pull himself to the wall window behind his desk, leaning his back on it. The coolness made him shiver a bit. Closing his eyes keeping his head back he reached for his beer bottle and took another swig. The sensation it gave him made Roy feel a bit giddy.

Roy looked around the room wishing she were here to stop him from drinking. Taking another mouthful he flushed the idea his already out-of-it brain.

Unknowingly Roy fell sideways to the carpeted floor where he felt paralyzed. He didn't feel like moving. He stared into space hoping she was doing better thank resorting to booze.

Knowing Riza she was probably doing peachy. Nothing ever penetrated her mental barrier, nothing. Amazingly, Roy was able to catch a glimpse of the clock that hung on the wall, midnight it said.

Obtaining the strength to get up he stumbled over to the couch in the corner of the room. Yanking his navy blue jacket off the coat rack he dropped noisily to the leather and curled up underneath his jacket. Dropping the bottle letting the liquid stain the dark carpet beneath he whispered underneath his breath,

"Good night my love…. Riza."

rizahawkeye21

**A/N:** this rambling is supposed to tie into the previous one. hope u like it! please review!


	6. Hurting Heart

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Hurting Heart

Her chest rose and fell as she inhaled and exhaled. She was hurt and he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't numb the pain nor could he stop it. Her screams and groans rang through the room long after they were issued from her lips.

His heart was crushed with every minute, no every second, she lied there in pain. He cursed, drowning himself in a sea of misery. He couldn't believe he let this happen. It was his fault and he knew it.

Sometimes nothing but the thing that makes you depressed can save you. Roy sat by the bed of his First Lieutenant in guilt. _He_ had done this to her, _he_ hadn't saved her, _he_ _he he he! _A movement in the bed interrupted Roy's thoughts. He immediately stood, leaning over his Lieutenant.

"Roy…?" a whisper managed to escape her mouth. Her voice was cracked unable to produce the lovely voice he loved so much.

"I'm right here, Riza. I'm right here. I won't leave. I will save you, don't worry." He had not a clue of what he said. He just wanted to reassure he was still by her side. A small smile surfaced on her face, lighting up her face.

"I….kn…ow…" She managed to say. Roy was close to tears at this point. He wanted to make her feel better but there wasn't anyway apparent to him. His eyes were blood shot from the lack of sleep he had ever since this happened to his Riza.

"Lie… d…own." Riza murmured laboriously. Roy shook his head.

"I can't." Roy replied hurting.

Riza began to move her body to the left of the bed; the expressions on her face made Roy want to kill himself. Little agonizing breaths leaked from her lips. Roy made a movement to stop her from moving. She tried to wave him away but she could barely lift her arm after moving so much.

Roy crawled into bed next her, careful of all the cords and junk hanging around them. He stroked her hair, pulling it out of her eyes. They lied there in silence trying to enjoy each others company, but without success. Just the fact that Riza was in pain left Roy on the verge of insanity. If only he could do something, if only.

Roy wanted to say something to make Riza feel better to cheer her up but there were no words from the famous Roy Mustang, man who knew just what to say at the right time. Roy scoffed. How wrong these people were. Why just now he couldn't even make the woman he loved feel better.

Roy felt hopeless as he lied there next to his love, kissing her forehead and cheeks.

"I love you, Riza." Roy spoke softly as he closed his eyes, nuzzling his head under hers.

rizahawkeye21

**A/N: **This one was really hard to write cause I wanted to make it a tear-jerker but I didn't know if my insane mind could stand the death of Riza. Really I think that neither of them should die. Heh I just got done watching the latest episode on FMA called "Assault on South Headquarters". Really good ep. Anywho ill stop my rambling, please review!


	7. The Pain of Feeling Alive

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

The Pain of Feeling Alive

Every moment spend away from him, every kiss not kissed, every second of the unknown it tears at me until I am nothing. Nothing more than pain itself.

You say that pain reminds you that you are alive. To me, the pain of being alive, without you holding me tightly, without you kissing me, without you in my life, is killing me from the inside out.

I stare into space as I sit at my desk. This pain of feeling alive you speak of is nothing to me. I have never known the agony of which you speak. I do not understand why you say this.

I wish to understand what you mean. Is it that the screaming heartache tells me that I love you? Is it that the misery swallowing me so slowly, inching over my body, proclaims that I need you? That I can't live without you?

Tell me love, is this what you mean by the pain of feeling alive?

rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **sorry this sounds so depressing… I just feel like this right now… I won't say to who this is for cause I highly doubt he knows. Anywho…

**Maria Symeou: **to sum up the episode, Izumi teacher had a kid but the baby died soon after its birth. She was so depressed that she tried to resurrect the child. She failed miserably and for her mistake her lower organs such as her womb and intestines were removed for equivalent exchange. That's why she coughs up blood. Since both Ed and her saw 'the gate' they can transmute without a transmutation circle. The boy that Izumi is taking care of has Ed's missing limbs. When the military Archer (EVIL I TELL YOU!) and Armstrong take the boy away to Southern HQ Izumi tries to rescue the boy even though it's possible that he is a homunculi. The chimera that Ed and Al encounter is part of Greed's group. Do you get it now? Anything I left out? I hope you and your friend understand better, but then again I'm not very good at explaining things…

**Bureiku: **I'm sorry about the whole romance thing. I'm just a romantic at heart so again I'm sorry.

**Fluff Freak, Guest, LT. Hawkeye: **Thank you soooooo much! You don't know what that means so me. I'm really glad I have readers who love my writing: )

Edited: 3/12/06


	8. Dream of a Goodbye Kiss

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Dream of a Goodbye Kiss

I watched her day and night waiting for her to wake. I felt so helpless sitting there staring into her pale face. It was scary to see her so vulnerable while she could barely breath correctly. He wanted to do something but logic told him all he could do was be there by her side.

Unexpectedly, Roy was gently being shaken. The movement wasn't rough nor was it barely shaking him at all. It was almost as if someone was prodding him awake. He opened his eyes slowly at first then they went wide at the sight before them. The woman he had been watching over for many nights now sat up in bed looking perfectly fine. Her skin color was back to normal and an abnormal smile graced her features. She smiled so gently his heart almost melted at its fragility.

"Hello Roy." A breath escaped her lips. He looked at her amazed at how beautiful she was awake. Her breathing was back to normal. A smile began to spread across his face as he looked at her angelic expression. He was so glad she had finally awoken from her long slumber that he hugged her. At least he tried.

He flew his arms around her but felt no connection with anything solid. He waved his hand back and forth where her arm should be. Nothing but air as his arm ran through her form. Appalled at this he looked to Riza. A face was grim and she had looked away.

Roy tried hard as he could to form words, any words that could express how he felt. He was frightened at this. Riza at last glanced back at him with a weak smile.

"I love you." Riza leaned in. Although he couldn't feel her touch against his face he could feel her kiss. It wasn't desperate as he expected. It was more of a goodbye kiss. He watched her go. She dissolved into twinkling particles and circled him. The particles lost their shine and were lost in the air.

Roy didn't cry he just sat there emotional, mentally unable to comprehend anything that had happened or anything around him. He didn't want to believe it. _No, _he thought, _not Riza, someone other than her… what am I going to do now?_ Roy felt pushed under water. Unable to think, unable to breathe. A voice in the back of his head said _it's all the better_. Then out of nowhere a female voice spoke up, _don't quit now! Fight it! Fight! _Roy was stunned by this voice it sounded so much like her voice. It sounded so much like Riza's lovely voice. He took a chance and listened to the reason of the female voice. Breaking up for air on the surface of the sea of misery.

Suddenly he opened his eyes to see a white hospital room his head lying on the white sheets of a bed with a cold clammy hand ruffling his hair. Expecting to see a bobbing ocean in front of him, he sprang up out of his position.

Looking around him wildly he noticed lying on the bed was Riza smiling weakly. Her hand mere inches away from where his head had been. Roy was afraid. Afraid of touching her skin to know if what he was seeing was merely another dream. On the other hand he wanted to feel the touch of her hand. The touch of the life she still had and knowing this was no dream.

Boldly he stuck his hand out as he reached for her right hand. Sheer centimeters away from her pale skin he hesitated. He was torn; he wanted to know. Roy urged his hand to move his fingers closer but they wouldn't move.

Without moving he felt a smooth surface brush his fingertips. He looked from her hand to Riza's face. It was wrinkled in effort. Clasping her hand he gentle massaged the beating hand. He feebly smiled. He caught a glance at her golden mahogany eyes. His head fell from the air onto the blanket in front of him. Silent tears streamed down his face as he felt a frail hand running through his hair. This was no dream…

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm sorry I write such depressing bits. I just type what I feel at the moment… Anyways thanks to all of you who've review. I really thank you from the bottom of my heart. I just realized that the title doesn't really go but I like it so I'm just gonna use it. Well ill update asap that is when I can ;)


	9. Eyes of a Tormented Soul

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Eyes of a Tormented Soul

The room was dark. The shades were pulled down, blocking the street lamp's light for flooding into the room. A shadowed figure slouched against the side of an oak desk. A cylinder shape could be seen levitating a couple feet above the floor.

A close up revealed that the levitating object was actually a bottle. A whiskey bottle to be exact. It was nearly half-empty. The figure who was swishing the contents of the bottle was a man. Raven black hair hung in front of his eyes shielding bloodshot eyes.

Pulling the bottle of alcohol from his mouth he held it lazily in his grip. He stared at the smoky brown liquid. Downing the last of it, he threw the bottle aside next to another bottle that had been cast away not too long ago.

Resting his head back on the side of the desk he didn't feel the pain numb. In fact, it came back twice as hurtful. Anger, fear and sorrow were incased in his chest. The emotions mixed with each other twisting against each other fighting for dominance. One would lead to another. Sorrow to anger, anger to fear, fear back to sorrow. The circle was never-ending.

He knew he heard a noise but nothing seemed to matter anymore. He didn't care if he lived or if death came to him. No, he didn't care anymore. All because of _him._ The one man who had known him most of his life.

When all his subordinates went home, he would always drag out a bottle of beer or whiskey and down it quickly, always hoping to numb the pain that consumed him. No matter how much or how long he drank the substance it never dented the strong emotions it would only make them worse. He never learned that. Always hoping that this time it would work. He wouldn't feel anything this time. No pain, no misery, no anger, no emotion in general.

He heard shuffling on the other side of the room. He didn't even bother to look and see who it was. He already knew. She would always find him in their office exactly how he was tonight. He wanted to tell her he was sorry for doing this to her but he could never form the words. Her expression only showed him that she understood.

With a bit of difficulty she would gently slide the bottle of whatever liquid he was drink from his hand and help him over to the couch in their office. But not tonight, tonight she stood there in the doorway. She didn't move nor did I. I could feel her grieving stare as I stared forward into space.

Silently she slipped into the room, closing the door softly behind her. Carefully walking over to me she collapsed to the floor next to me. She sat on the back of her knees pressing her hands on her thighs so that they held her upper body up.

She sat next to me. She sat to the right of me with her head tilted downward. The glass 'accidentally' fell from my grasp. It landed with a clunk. I looked at my hands, tracing every line, every wrinkle that I found.

Suddenly my body had a mind of their own. I watched as my body moved so I now faced her. I gently reached out to her cheek. I felt the wetness on her face. Then I saw them. The eyes of a tormented soul. So much grief so much pain it was almost unbearable to look into them. The eyes of her, of Riza Hawkeye, brimmed with salty tears.

Riza stared back at me with those eyes, with those lovely but woeful eyes. I couldn't tear away from them. They captivated my mind drawing me into their trap. My clouded mind felt out of line and so I acted so. I gave her a look that I felt to be so gentle yet aching with mixed emotions. Her expression in return was almost heart breaking.

Silently I wiped her eyes in hopes of clearing the traces of hurt from them. She stared back into my eyes with those mahogany sad eyes. I pulled away from her. Resting my head against the oak desk once again I closed my eyes.

"Roy…" I heard her whisper to me. Her voice was full of fear and concern. My name fell from her lips like silk. She had never said my name the way she did just then. All those other times she'd found me in this state, it was different. She'd always say, 'get up sir, work's begun' or 'sir, you mustn't sleep in the office'. She would walk or drive me home.

Then I felt a feeling. The feeling of just wanting to crawl into a hole and rot away for all eternity. The only problem was that there was no hole. There was no escape. No hiding places only wide-open spaces. A shiver shocked me and coursed through my body alerting Riza that I had moved.

Just then I couldn't take it anymore. Emotions of hatred, anger, sadness and distress busted out like an atomic bomb. I couldn't take it how Maes just left me here alone. He said he'd help me change the world. He promised to be my best man at my wedding (if I ever have one, mind you). He said and promised a lot of things and now he wouldn't be able to up old them. Words spilled out of my mouth without my brain registering what I was expressing.

"DAMN IT MAES! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE! WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME HERE! WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME ALONE! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAD TO GO AND DO SUCH A STUPID STUNT LIKE THAT!"

I pulled my legs closer to my upper body and put my head between my knees to shield my face from the world around me. Then I felt a light touch on my shoulder. I looked up to find Riza holding me. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and was honestly hugging me.

Lost in the moment I hugged her back. I felt my anger flow out my body into the air around us. From her left ear I left my lips travel against her skin to her mouth. That's when it happened. Pulling my lips from hers I looked into her eyes. They were no longer eyes of a tortured soul.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **ok I finally got this done! I don't like the ending though. In any case it was suppose to express what Roy felt about Maes' death and Riza's comforting. I, personally think I could of done better but you be the judge. Tell me what you think. Thank you to my reviewers!


	10. Another Office Day

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Another Office Day

"Ugh…" I groaned as I slumped in my chair. It was only 1000 hours and I was already exhausted. My hand felt cramped and my head ached with mind crushing pain. I slumped further in my chair and sighed.

"Is there something wrong sir?" I heard a voice from across the room.

"No Lieutenant." I answered automatically. She gave me her quizzical look and returned to her work. I had straightened up when she called me so I returned to my sunken posture.

I tapped my black ballpoint pen on my desk, the sound radiating throughout the room one tap after the next. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Hawkeye looking at me. Her glance showed that she was irritated at me. I continued my music making until she stood up and strode over to my desk stopping mere inches in front. I looked at her with a fake smile.

"Yes Lieutenant?" I asked dumbly.

"You make take a break from your paperwork-" I cut her off as I jumped out of my seat bolting for the door. "If you don't come back in ten minutes I'm going to hunt you down," she called after me, "and this time you may come back with lead in your head!" She added. I didn't glance back just waved my hand behind me to show her I knew.

I strolled outside and went for a walk around the campus. It was amazingly huge. I hadn't noticed that before. The sight of blooming pink flowers surrounded the path I walked. It was very beautiful. When I looked down at my watch I gasped. I hadn't really been paying attention to the time, I was too happy to get out of the work filled room.

I dashed from my spot in the trees and in the double doors that marked the building I worked in. I raced to my floor jumping up the stairs nearly three at a time. I burst through the door making a racket. The blonde haired lieutenant did bother to look up. She knew it was me. I plopped down in my chair, slightly out of breath. I faced the clock to find it was barely thirty seconds after 10:10.

Unwillingly I picked up my pen again. This time I looked over at the lieutenant. To my surprise she was already before me.

"Yes lieutenant?" I asked for the second time that day. She just stared me in the eyes. I could've sworn I saw her lean in towards me, but she hesitated. Then noticeably she lowered her lips to mine and whispered,

"Nothing, sir." Unexpectedly she pulled back and returned to her chair. I felt my cheeks burning. I could feel the heat coming from them. I quickly tried to hide my embarrassment but failed to do so. Tilting my head down I thought silently in my head about the contact with Hawkeye.

_I can't believe this! The infamous Roy Mustang blushing, no **melting**, at contact with Riza Hawkeye! I mean its just absurd! I have to admit she is beautiful though… AH! What am I thinking! This is just messed up. Pull yourself together Roy! Get going on your work, you know what'll happen if you don't._

I gulped. I knew fully well what would happen. I briskly scribbled my signature on the documents on my desk. Eventually my blush wore away and before I knew it the workday had ended. Without saying a word I stood, a bit wobbly from not standing for a couple of hours.

Trudging to the door I heard a voice call my name, "Sir?" I turned around slightly. There, nearly four feet away from me she leaned against her desk slightly.

"Sir, I… uh…" I looked at her awkwardly. _What was she trying to tell me? _"I… er…" She stuttered. I closed the four feet between us.

"What?" I asked kindly. I knew Riza couldn't speak. Just the look on her face told me everything. I leaned in to her lips. Trailing my lips over her cheek to her ear I murmured,

"Would you like me to walk you home?" Riza nodded hesitantly. Picking up her coat and slinging it around her shoulders I prodded her out the door.

We walked in silence. Her face was trying register what was happening. I held her waist as we walked so, as she didn't run into anything or anyone. She didn't seem bothered by my touch. I was surprised.

When the steps of her apartment were climbed and we stood facing each other in front of the door, she spoke,

"Thank you sir for walking me home." Her eyes shone as the last of the sun's rays fell beyond the horizon.

"Your welcome." I replied. I turned to descend the stairs but was stopped by a touch on my hand. I was yanked around with surprising force. Then her mesmerizing honey eyes were the only things I could see. I paused a few seconds taking in deep breaths. Then I felt something twang in my heart.

Oh what I remember to this day makes me swell with emotion. Unaware of what my body was making me do, I leaned into her. I snaked my arms around her waist bringing her closer to me. Then, as some people might have put it, I went in for 'the kill'. The taste of her lips, the inside of her mouth, every movement she made was burnt into my memory.

Pulling down on my neck I slid my tongue into her mouth. She didn't pull back but rather fought for control. Something's happened that shouldn't have happened I know. But that kiss was real. I can still feel the pressure of hers against mine. That day to me wouldn't be just another day at the office, it would be _the _day at the office.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N:** To apologize before someone already says anything I'm sorry for Riza being so out of character. This line just popped into my head and I let me fingers do the typing. Anyway I hope you like it despite the one thing. Please review!


	11. Never

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Never…

She cried harder as she collapsed to the floor. The more she thought of **him** she sobbed, her form shaking in the dark of night. She thought how useless these feelings were when she knew the outcome of it all. She knew she couldn't him. She knew he could not love her, would not love her. Not in any way shape or form. He may _care_ for her yes, but love her? The answer? Plain and simple. _NEVER._ _Never_ would he hold her in his arms. _Never _would he cry tears for her. _Never _would he **ever** in-a-million-years see her in a different light than she the subordinate and he the superior.

These words resounded in her head over and over again. _Never… never… never._

The weight of her heart was too much for her to handle. She slid her body to the floor as she lied with her stomach pressed downward. Her heart felt as if it were being torn from of her chest. She could almost see the blood pooling on the ground around her.

Alas this was not so. There was no blood. There was only pain, despair, agony. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted him to love her. She wanted to see his eyes. The cold black depths of his eyes. Her body racked her frame as she lied there in her misery bawling on the carpet of her room.

_Never _would he see the true her. _Never _would he see her cry._ Never _would he know her true feelings for him.

Despite her heart being so heavy, she pulled herself off of the carpet, wiping her tear-stained cheeks as she did so. As she stepped into the shower the words of earlier echoed in her head.

Never… never… never…

**Rizahawkeye21 **

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm sorry this is a bit dark but I was reading another story and this is what I felt about it. anyways im gonna try and update 'Dwelling On the Past' tomorrow. Forgive me if I don't. I hope you find this rambling to your enjoyment. See ya!


	12. Home Alone: Part I

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Home Alone: Part I

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was at home cuddling on the couch at home. Tonight was just an ordinary day nothing going on at the military; just your average day.

The flames in the fireplace licked the logs she had put on a short while ago. She stared at the redness and watched as it devoured the wood. Suddenly she heard crackling noises from the fire which made her jump slightly. Sudden noises always made her jumpy especially since she was home alone.

Ok so she lied to herself when she said there wasn't anything going on at headquarters. There was a ball tonight. A ball where all the upper class military attended, including State Alchemists. Riza sighed at this thought. She would never speak aloud that she was disappointed. She wanted so much for him to ask her to the ball but she had just set herself up. So far up in fact that when she fell, she fell hard.

So who is this 'him' you ask? The 'him' is one of her co-workers. One of her friends, her 'family', her everything to put it so. He was everything she wasn't and he wasn't anything she was. _Both of us put together make a whole. _Riza thought as she stroked Black Hayate's jet-black fur.

Normally she would find this calming but the only thing that this gesture made Riza feel was sadness. She felt like she was losing her logic mind over 'him'. Hayate's fur reminded her of his jet-black hair. His handsome raven black hair, and his charcoal colored eyes seemed to penetrate her walls built of steel, melting around her. 'He' was her reason for staying in the military; the reason for seeing passed the insanity to see the beauty of it all. To see that not all of the State's military personal were corrupt.

'He' was Colonel Roy Mustang.

A tear accidentally slid down her fire lit cheek. There was disappointment she didn't want to feel anymore. All emotions were distractions from doing what is needed to be done and pain. Nothing more than pain.

She sat on the couch a fuzzy warm blanket draped around her body in her pajamas with Hayate. Sighing aloud she slouched into the comfy couch she closed her eyes watching the light dance across her eyelids. Not noticing she fell asleep.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **yey! Sorry I haven't update in awhile. School, plus finals are in 2 weeks! Ahhhh! I'm only a freshman and im going crazy, unsure of what to do… anyways enough bout me. Thanks so much for the reviews keep em coming! If there are any grammar mistakes or misspelled words please tell me so I can fix them. Hope to update soon!


	13. Home Alone: Part II

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Home Alone: Part II

Riza was forced awake from the yips screaming in her ears. The outbursts, she noticed were coming from Hayate was throwing the barks towards the door behind the couch she lay on.

Groaning she sat up and awkwardly got to her feet walking almost dysfunctionally to the door. She opened the door without bothering to look through the peephole. You could call that a mistake. Riza gasped when she met a head full of black hair slightly shielding black orbs. She didn't know what to do or say. Riza stood there unable to do anything. The silence that surrounded the two was very awkward.

"Hi lieutenant." His voice broke through the thick nothingness. That certainly jerked Riza out of her daze.

"Hello, sir." She replied.

Again silence returned although this time not as thick.

"What are you doing here?" Riza asked. Although she didn't mean it as being rude her superior took it as an offense.

"I'm sorry I didn't know that-" Riza cut him off.

"Sorry sir it's just that I wasn't expecting any visitors and had fallen asleep and…" _You're so stupid Riza. You're rambling on. He doesn't want to hear you babble on about unimportant nothings! Just figure out what he wants and go back to sleep. _She absentmindedly stepped aside and ushered Roy Mustang into her living room where Black Hayate lie by the fire. His head popped up at the sight of Roy and pranced his way to his legs. Roy sat on the couch where moments before Riza had been sleeping.

Riza sighed. She was about to speak but Roy bet her to it.

"I didn't see you at the ball tonight." He stated.

"I didn't go." Riza answered nonchalantly.

A moment of noiselessness occurred.

"Oh." was all Roy could say. He looked over at Riza. His eyes reflected the flames from fireplace. He sighed and looked away reluctantly. He couldn't tell her. He wanted to so bad. One thing, one stupid thing caused his only love to stay at arm's length away. He wanted to break down and cry but he was a grown man not to mention a **military** man. God how he hated the military just now.

Then a thought struck his brain. _Why should you care about the goddamn military? What has it done to you? Cause you nothing but pain, nightmares and unwanted duties, that's what. Why should the damn military keep you from the one thing that could make your life better, complete? Just go for it! Then you'll know if she loves you in return._

"Riza…" Roy whispered softly turning his body toward her. Riza looked at him with confused eyes. He almost never said her first name.

"At first I didn't know where I was walking to when I left the ball. I don't even remember half of what happened, the only thing I remember is that I left there incomplete. I wandered the streets and I noticed your house. Riza I've been meaning to tell you something for a long time. It's just that every time I've wanted to something got in the way. Whether it was fear of rejection or the military I wouldn't know. The only thing I know is that…" he paused looking into Riza's glistening chocolate eyes, "… is that I… I love you…" Roy croaked out the last part.

As if just know noticing where he was and what he did he jumped to his feet muttering to himself.

"Roy you're the most idiotic man on the face of this planet… how could you even think such a thing would happen? … stupid…"

Riza sat there still on the couch in shock, _what did he just confess?_

"Roy wait!" she shouted absentmindedly. He stopped dead in his tracks feeling that Riza was behind him. He turned around and in fact there she was standing. _How gorgeous she looks and she doesn't even know it…_

"Roy… don't go… you don't know how long I've been waiting to hear those words come from your lips… don't go." She finished. He looked at her stunned for many reasons. One, she called him by his first name. Second, she wanted me to say those words?

She came closer to him put a hand on his cheek, looking into his eyes.

"I love you too… I have for a long time…" Riza whispered to Roy.

"How long have you been sitting here by yourself?" Roy broke out of his trance.

"It doesn't really matter now does it?" she said smiling slightly, "it only matters that I'm not home alone now."

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **Hey! I got this last piece to the Home Alone section up finally. Took some concentration on my part and trust me when I say that it's hard to keep my attention on one thing for a long period of time. I always have to fidget with something. In any case I hope you liked the ending kinda abrupt I know. Review please!


	14. A Day at the Beach

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

A Day at the Beach

I slipped off my sandals and bent down to pick them up off the sand beneath my feet. The sand squished in between my toes. The temperature of the muddy sand was cold but it felt good. Sighing loudly I walked towards the lighthouse that stood in the distance.

With every step I relaxed into the ease that I usually found myself in at the beach. I swung my sandals back in forth while I wandered through the watered sand. Times like these I really appreciated because I could actually think without all my supposed 'co-workers' around to pester me.

Once again I sighed but not as loud. Drawing my attention from them I saw a seashell partially buried underneath the sand. I stooped down; brushing away the rock particles I gasped slightly. There lying innocently in the spongy sand was a blue sand dollar. It was really a strange color. A beautiful light bluish color it was.

Carefully I picked the shell up.

"It's really beautiful." I said aloud to myself.

"Almost as you are." A masculine voice whispered in my ear. I froze. I knew whom the voice belonged to, Roy Mustang. I turned idly finding myself staring at a cloth-covered chest. I looked up. I shouldn't have. I met his eyes, which instantly drew me in.

He wrapped his arms around my waist I stiffened at his touch. Not in unwant, mind you, just in… I suppose you could say in surprise. Although, it wasn't exactly a surprise.

He leaned close to my ear a breeze gently swept by us.

"Riza… I've been wanting to ask you this for a very long time… will you marry me?"

I suddenly relaxed and smiled lightly. _An ordinary day at the beach._

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N:** Hey! I hoped someone enjoyed this addition. I have a half day 'cause of finals XP but anyway thanks to all my reader/reviewers. You make my day : )


	15. Full of Mistfortune

**DICLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Full of Misfortune

The train compartment rattled as it thundered down the tracks towards Central. We were going back to Central. Since ending our mission in the west, we were told to return to headquarters stat. I wasn't sure why but it wasn't like I was gonna worry too much. In my mind there wasn't a high priority.

As we rode the bumpy train back, I sat alone in a compartment of the train staring out the window watching as fields of food flew by. Returning to Central with a bunch of guys wasn't exactly what I had in mind for a 'fun' way to get home. I sighed aloud. Guys, will never understand why they were such imbeciles.

Havoc, Breada and Fuery had gone off long ago. The two former were probably scouting out unsuspecting women to hit on. I felt so sorry for their victims. Fuery dashed after them most likely to help the poor prey that was at the mercy of Havoc and Breada. They weren't exactly the smoothest guys of the bunch. I chuckled to myself. No offence to them but they could be quite dolts around even me.

Roy- I mean _the Colonel_ was doubtlessly doing a similar version of scouting as the other idiots but doing a hundred percent better them. I sighed once again. _The Colonel _was just another womanizer. If only he wasn't so… that way. If only he was more… dedicated to a woman, some one like me. I froze. Not again. I couldn't stop thinking this way. Now it was beginning to annoy me to the brink of insanity… at least what felt like was insanity I wasn't quite sure if that was so.

Taking my mind of the subject, I turned my attention to my dislike of trains. The moved too much. Jerked around was more like it. Sometimes I even got sick on trains. Although I wasn't sure why I was pretty sure it was the movement whenever the reckless train stumbled into a dint in the rails.

Watching the scenery go by I heard a knock on the cabin sliding door. I didn't respond. I wanted to be alone. It was most likely Havoc returning from his search for a girl and having nothing else better to do, had come to pester her. The knocker was persistent.

"Go away Havoc! I'm not in the mood for you!" I suddenly screamed very loudly.

The door slid open to reveal a man. The man was _**definitely** _not Jean Havoc. It was none other than Roy Mustang in flesh and blood. I gasped at my mistake and immediately saluted him. He only laughed lightly.

"I don't think I'm Havoc, Hawkeye." Roy smiled his lady killer smile. He was now currently making fun of me. All of a sudden I felt a dull pain in my head. No not a headache. Just what I needed. Another annoyance to add to my list of bad luck.

First on my list was the constant pestering of Jean Havoc followed by the stupidity of the rest of her colleagues. All of this leading up to Mustang and his… I dunno just him being here. Just him making fun of me. To top my misfortune sundae off was a massive headache for my cherry. Ha! Cherry my ass.

Yup this was it. My misfortunate sundae.

**Rizahawkeye21**

**A/N: **I didn't really like how I ended this rambling but I didn't feel like it was to be continued in a certain way… anyways I hope you enjoyed this even though in my opinion isn't the greatest. Thanks to everyone! Until next time…

**REVISION  
**as Nekomo called to my attention i have accidently used 'her' instead of 'my' or 'me'. im sorry about that. i;m not really used to writing in1st POV. i usually use 3rd POV but for most of my ramblings i have used 1st so i apologize for any confusion. -RH21


	16. Watch Out She's Got a Gun!

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Watch Out She's Got a Gun!

Gunshots could be heard coming from the military base in Central. Everyone who lived near there knew what was going on, at least, every soldier in the base did. Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, had done something, to piss off a certain blonde lieutenant of his. Her shouts could literally be heard from outside the building in which they fought.

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye was dangerous with her guns. With one bullet she could kill a man instantly, as most of those who witnessed such a scene, knew. Never ever cross Riza Hawkeye or it just might be the last thing you do. Though this sounds pretty brutal it's the truth.

Miss Hawkeye isn't one of those women who are easily intimidated by others especially men. She's a bit headstrong to put such a thing lightly was a laugh to anyone who didn't know her personally. Miss Riza was, could be kind and not as stern as she usually was when she wanted to. Although right now, Roy Mustang could tell you this wasn't exactly the time for her to be so.

Never failing his infamous reputation of never completing his paperwork on time was precisely the reason why his first lieutenant was firing at him right now. The papers had needed his immediate attention but instead of being responsible, Mustang had slacked off by falling asleep at his desk.

_Poor Roy Mustang, _was the thought on every military officer's mind. They only hoped he would come out all right. The last time this happen (which wasn't very long ago mind you) the Flame Alchemist sped out of their unit office with the sharpshooter right at his heels yelling insults and "You should have done you're work sir!" at him. Everyone in the hallways that moment either 1) duct for cover in a room close by or 2) fell to the floor covering their head with whatever they were carrying at the moment. Normally it was the first.

Right this moment Colonel Roy Mustang was dodging bullets that were either aimed at his head or his…um… well you should get the point. There was a moment where the firing stopped for Miss Riza to reload which gave Roy the time to high tail it out of there. He dashed through the halls constantly glancing over his shoulder for any sign of his lieutenant.

He busted through the main doors to his building to find the one and only Riza Hawkeye standing before him. His jaw dropped to the cement path beneath him. How could she have gotten there? She didn't pass him in the hallway. She couldn't have magically appeared there. So how?

The look on Miss Hawkeye's face was one of death. If her looks could kill Mustang would be dead as a doornail. (A/N: cliché I know.) Being buried six feet under the ground though never stopped anyone.

Roy looked at his subordinate pleadingly. Begging for his life he was. In return she gracefully stepped toward him, literally putting one foot in front of the other. She bent down to his level. She stared him warmly in the eyes, which made him sick. Riza never did that, unless she had something very unpleasant up her sleeve.

"Now, Colonel, you will go up into your office and do your paperwork won't you?" she said sickeningly sweetly. The Colonel could only nodded in answering. Hawkeye pulled him up by his ear and whispered,

"If you do I'll give you a surprise." Roy's face lit up at that last part. Smiling he skipped towards his office with First Lieutenant Hawkeye following him only walking not skipping. The people they passed stared in utter confusion as they saw a sight to see. Riza Hawkeye wasn't shooting Roy Mustang back to his office. Very strange…

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **all right. I hope you enjoyed this rambling. I really like it, course my personal opinion doesn't really count now does it? Tell me what you think and review!


	17. Never Let Me Go

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Never Let Me Go

She forced one foot in front of the other as she walked down her street on her way home from work. She just couldn't take it anymore. She was sick and tired of one man. Colonel Roy Mustang. Everything he did lately seemed to piss her off to no extent.

He didn't do his paperwork. When it looked like he did he was merely doodling on a scrap of paper. Riza just didn't understand his motive. It was like he did everything to annoy her on purpose… of course he did! That was an idiotic thought! Of course he did it on purpose, but why? Riza let out a cry of anguish as she passed by a couple walking hand in hand.

Seeing the couple walking close together made Riza's heart drop to her feet. She had always wanted someone to cuddle next to her and whisper let words of comfort in her ear to make her feel better, wanted. Riza could only sigh sadly at this thought and drag her feet up a set of stairs. She had finally arrived home.

As she climbed the steps from the street to her apartment, she noticed that her vision was becoming a bit blurry. She could barely see the glint off the shiny brass doorknob from the streetlight standing outside her apartment lawn. It looked like a streaking star falling for the light post.

Shoving her keys into the keyhole, she twisted the doorknob and pushed the door open letting it slam against the wall behind it. Riza was welcomed home to her dark apartment to the sound of sliding nails scratching across her hardwood floors. The noisemaker barked once, twice to get her attention. Right then though Riza didn't want to hear any noise.

Sensing that his Mummy wasn't feeling herself Black Hayate merely whimpered at her feet. Bending down to scratch him behind the ears, Riza was followed by Hayate to her room where she kicked off her shoes and changed into her nighty. Crawling into bed she turned off her beside table light and snuggled into the covers that surrounded her.

Riza was about to slip off into a deep sleep when she heard a knock on the door. Wearily she stumbled out of bed. Wipping her eyes groggily she headed to the front door and without thinking Riza pulled the door open. There stood… no one? Riza took a step outside onto her 'porch'. There was no one there…

---

You know how in movies if you don't see anything at eye level they ALWAYS (ok so not _always_ but you get what I mean… I hope ;)) look down to the ground? Well Riza did just that.

---

Riza looked down to the doormat that served to clean shoes. There, featherly placed, was a ivory colored envolope. Slowly, as if she feared it was going to explode in her fingers, she picked up the peculiar letter. It wasn't every day she got letters… especially on her doorstep. She looked at the top of the letter. It was addressed her in fancy writing saying, _To My Dearest Riza, _She recognized the writing… it was so familiar but she couldn't place it with the owner.

Curiosity overwhelmed her and she turned the envelope in her hands. A stamp sealed the flap. She squinted her eyes slightly in the firelight to see what the stamp was. The red wax used amplified the flickering flame look that was forged into the wax.

Unclipping the seal she carefully slid the ivory letter from its place and opened the message with slightly trembling fingers. What the letter said made her drop the paper with the words written in the same loopy writing.

_My Dearest Riza,_

_I cannot express to you how terrified I am, sitting here writing this letter to you almost scared of your reaction. I guess I should come out with reason for writing to you. I know what I am about to say will come as shock to you but I pray that you will not take my confession the wrong way. It was just after Maes died, that I discovered something. What I found scared me but at the time it assured me that I had a future here. That I still had someone here to look after and protect. It also reminded me that I had a friend, someone to like – no love, wanting me to stick around. Riza I want you to know that what I found from my discovery made me feel so happy. It made my heart swell. Yes I, Colonel Roy Mustang am capable of actually being human. I wanted to exclaim to the world what I found, that I realized someone was there by my side helping me to get through each day. Riza I realized what I had right there beside me all along. That I had you. I had you there comforting me when no one else did. So I am going to stop beating around the bush and come out of the shadows. My Darling Riza, I love you. I knew that have for sometime. That I have loved you from the very moment we met. From every perfect strand of hair to your enchanting caring personality. Everything about you to me, is perfect. Everything. I just wanted to confess my love for you. If you don't return my affection I understand completely. I know what the military says, that we can't love each other. I know that. But what the military tells me my heart defies. It resists every attempt on my part to deny me feelings for you. I do not want you to suffer because of me. I want you to be happy with your decision. If you indeed have the same feelings for me I will be waiting for you. If you just open your door you will see me there waiting for your body to become entwined with mine. To embrace your warmth, to kiss your captivating lips. I now await your word. I hope you will be happy with your decision whether I find it heartbreaking or heart mending. Your resolution will not change mine. It will not change my love for you. Nothing ever will. I love you Riza Hawkeye. I love you._

_Yours forever,_

_Roy Mustang_

Riza could only gasp. Gasp for the air that didn't want to come. Breaking out of her semi trance she flew to the door and flung it open.

There was no doubt about it who was sitting on the steps of her apartment. A raven black haired man with silent tears streaking down his face sat on the cold stone steps before her. The light from the room beyond the door flooded out into the outside world. Resting upon the man's non-uniformed back his shoulders trembling slightly.

Suddenly if just now noticing that he was not alone he swung around to reveal a face reddened from the appearance of crying. His eyes widened at her company. He stood abruptly.

Riza couldn't take it anymore she trotted down the steps, slowly at first but with every step she took became faster before she broke into a run. The impact she received as she tumbled slightly into Roy Mustang's arms was a tight squeeze. They finally found each other. Both holding on to each other as if for dear life.

Through her sudden tears Riza whispered,

"Roy don't let me go."

"Never, never again will I… never…never…" came his reply to her hair.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **Hey everyone. I was gonna end this at where she finished reading the letter but I found that kinda cruel so I an ending. Ok so it's not a good ending but hey it took me along time to find the right words to type. I would really like to thank everyone for their reviews it mean A LOT to me. if this sounds kinda cheesy to you im sorry it does but in my opinion it is one of my most excellent writings I have created. I hope to update more often seeing its now 'Holiday' break… Happy Early Christmas everyone!


	18. Behind This Mask

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

Behind This Mask

Everyday I put on a mask. The mask shields everyone else from me, the true me. The one who breaks down sobbing. The one that vomits at the sight of blood. The one who truly doesn't believe in the military. The one that loves a man that she is forbidden to love.

Everyday I hide this self of mine from everyone so they all believe I am the perfect soldier. The soldier of no feelings; no worries, no regrets, no life. They're all wrong, dead wrong. As soon as I shut my apartment door the mask is taken off. Sometimes I slump to the ground in sobs, others, my face becomes blank in expressions, to stunned to cry.

On rare occasions I sometimes am actually happy when I get home, I actually have a smile behind the mask. Something that Havoc, Breada or possibly even Kain made the unmasked me smile.

I've never shown this self of mine to anyone, intentionally that is. One day I had come home and had burst into tears, believing that my life had no meaning. I only lived for Roy, not for the military's intentions. While I was off 'drowning' in my self-pity someone had come into my apartment and saw me in this state. That person had been Kain Fuery. He had helped me to the couch after he explained that I had left the front door wide open. I merely nodded during his explanation.

"You know nobody's perfect. I bet if you even lay off on the handguns the guys will be more likely to behave a bit better." He had said. I highly doubted that. We started talking; I think that because of the day that he found me I have another friend I can talk to. At the end of out little meaning I found something in him that drove me to use his first name; because I thought of him as a friend.

Every time he was in a room with me and Roy- the Colonel he would look to me to see if I was ok. Of course I had the mask on so no one but Kain knew of my banned affection for the man that had sat beside me. Sometimes I would incline my head discreetly so that no one else could see but him, in reassurance that I was holding up fine.

This mask I put on every morning and slip off every night has somewhat become a part of me; a split personality if you will. I am too people at once or sometimes those two personalities merge and actually agreed upon a subject. But no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, neither will back down nor go away.

At the end of each day I wait at my window hoping that HE will come to me, to rip me from my torn 'soul' and lead me away from my mask. His black soul eyes cradling mine, my fingers slipping through his hair to make sure he is really. Until that time comes I can merely stare at my hopeful HIM as he goes about his day unnoticed by my 'agony' that I hide behind my mask.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **Alrighty then, another rambling up! I'm sorry it's taken me awhile. I should really learn to manage my time more wisely huh? Lol :D anyways I'm glad I finally got this done and up. I don't think this is very good but what can I say its something that just popped into my head. Until next time…


	19. Worst Day of the Year

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

The Worst Day of the Year

The one day of the year that Riza hated. She hated it because it gave everyone the reason to be open about their affection to their loved one, whether they were in the military or not.

Over the years Riza had built up a dislike for the day and almost every year on that day she would take the day off. Not to be with that certain someone but to lie in bed and wait for the next day.

She just couldn't **STAND **the way other women received presents of chocolate and the occasional stuffed animal. In her home she could be by herself and ignorant to the outside world. That was the only day out of the entire year she let herself take the day off.

Just by looking at the lovely first lieutenant you wouldn't believe that she didn't have a boy friend, but then if you didn't you couldn't have known Riza Hawkeye.

Riza Hawkeye was a determined young woman. All who knew her said she was. What no one knew was that she was still stuck in her teenage depression. She never got over the stress and sadness she had been harboring since she was a teen. When maturity hit Riza, it did it's work obviously seeing as if she wasn't a hard core 'worker' at work she'd have men many coming up to her asking her out. The only thing was when maturity swept through her it left her pain, agony and horrible memories of depression behind.

Audibly, Riza Hawkeye sighed as she stretched out on the couch in her confined dorm. She was currently watching a sappy romance movie, the one thing she reserved for this day alone. Riza began to feel clear liquid fill her eyes up. The need to squint and keep the heartbreaking sorrow of the movie in was overpowering. Her eyes glued to the screen in front of her.

Riza wasn't normally one to like love stories but this one movie made her feel as if there was Mr. Right out there somewhere but she just hadn't found him yet. _A Walk to Remember_ rolled on the TV set as she popped bits of popcorn into her mouth. She lowly chewed and almost choked when it came to the saddest part of the movie, at least in her opinion. The girl named Jamie told Landon that she had leukemia and that all treatment had stopped working on her. When he was driving to his father's house (his parents were divorced and he didn't get along too well with his father) to get him to help cure her. On the way back from banging on his father's door, he cried. It made Riza bawl as well. Not for the same reason as Landon, but still sobbing none the less. Her purpose for crying was of what his crying represented; his love for another. His love transformed him into a 'better person' you could say. It was really heart wrenching to see how much love Landon had for Jamie. That's how she wanted to be loved. She wanted her Landon to come find her.

Riza didn't know how she fell asleep but she did sometime after the movie ended. She woke up to a knock at her door. Drowsily, Riza swung her legs out of bed not bothering to pull a bigger piece of clothing over her mid thigh shorts and tight tank top. Pulling the door open she didn't see anyone standing there. Without thinking she drooped her head to the ground. Riza didn't understand why in some movies the people didn't look at the floor to make sure there wasn't anything there.

She tilted her head in confusion. _Who would send me anything let alone a present? Especially on Valentine's day. Probably just a joke from one of the guys _Riza thought. Not wanting to spoil their fun (I mean someone's gotta have funny if it can't be her), she picked up the light blue card that had been gently placed upon the white wrapped box. Carefully she slid the card out. It was a simple yet elegant card small loopy writing on the front exclaiming it was Valentine's day but subtly. Opening the card to the inside it read:

Although you may think that this day means 

_Nothing to you, I beg to differ,_

_Only on this day will I let myself think about you,_

_Only now will I let myself buy ridiculous for you,_

_Such as the object in the attached white box._

_You may sit in your room curled up in soft, warm sheets,_

_As you watch your favorite movie on the Valentine's day,_

_But remember I am here watching over you,_

_Everyday and every night I assure myself that you _

_Are safe and well._

_As I leave you this note I hope the rest of your night_

_Is to your liking._

_Love forever_

The letter really struck Riza awkwardly. This was no apparent joke. If it were then the letter would have said so. There was only another option, there was someone operating on their own. If this person was following her around was this a bad thing? It sounded as if he stalked her or he knew her well enough. She looked at the chicken scratch hand writing on the inside covers. It looked familiar but she just couldn't place it. Riza picked up the beautifully wrapped snowy gift. Shuffling back into her room, she shut the door behind her. Sitting on the couch she perched the small package on her lap. Cautiously she pecked the paper off. Now only a milky colored box remained. Using the pocketknife that she stashed in her table drawer, Riza sliced the packaging tape and peered inside the box. She gasped quietly as she reached into the parcel.

Withdrawing her hand, she found a necklace. Not just any necklace though. Although plain from far away, up close the pendent from which it hung from a skinny silver chain, was an emblem of a flame. It was so grand that she literally had her mouth hanging open. The silver shown brightly despite the lack of light in the room, not to mention the flame glowed a deep reddish color.

The medallion gave away who sent it to her. She was surprised that _he_ gave her such a gorgeous piece of jewelry.

"Thank you Roy Mustang, for something so beautiful." Riza announced to no one in particular. She knew where ever he was, Roy could hear her.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **Well yet another rambling. This is a Valentine's Day present to everyone who reads this. I hope your v-day is happier than mine is. In any case I hope you like this piece. Until next time…


	20. So Close Yet So Far Away

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

So Close Yet So Far Away

You're lying there. Eyelids hiding your mesmerizing black orbs from the outside world and me. You lie there unconscious in a hospital bed covered by sky blue cotton sheets that I made sure weren't scratchy because I know how you hate that.

It's funny how I know so much about you yet you know nothing about me. Another thing, the nurse who's taking care of you mistook me as your wife seeing as I knew some much about you. At first I was somewhat appalled at her assumption but then I sat and thought about it. I went over the woman's thought. Just because I know so much about you doesn't mean I'm…. your- uh…. 'significant' other does it? Okay so sure I know that you don't like tea without honey or that you prefer dogs over cats. Or that you can't stand those letters that you receive on Valentine's Day. Even though, to the rest of the unit, you say you love them. I can see through your lie.

You have just moaned out in your sleep. In pain or from a dream I don't know, though, I wish I did. Then, that way I could help. I feel so useless. I'm so used to being here by your side guarding you, now that you're like this I feel as if I can do nothing more. I was so stupid as to not be there when it happened, the accident. Just because I requested the day off to run some errands that just had to be the day that it rained. Furthermore, the day someone was in pursuit of attacking you.

_Stop thinking about this! You're literally killing yourself! _I repeat this in my head as I try to take even breaths. It then that a miracle happens. I hear your voice. Your masculine heart-melting voice. What's more is you say my name, my first name.

"Riza?" I blink twice. I haven't gotten much sleep so I wonder if I'm just hearing things, but I hear his voice again in that raspy tone.

"Riza?" I nearly choke. He sounds so broken, so vulnerable.

"Yes?" I manage to squeak out.

"I'm never letting you take another day off you hear me?" He whispered. I could tell it was merely a joke for the corners of his lip tugged upward in a smile. I couldn't return it though. My heart was so broken after watching this scene unfold before me. His breathing became irregular and he passed out. I had jumped to my feet leaning my upper body over the hospital bed, fearful he had died. When my eyes saw that his sheet-covered chest was rising and falling, I relaxed somewhat.

Hesitantly, I reseated myself in the uncomfortable chair next to his bed. For what must have been hours I sat patiently, staring at him. A small smile surfaced upon his face.

_He must be having a good dream. _I thought.

My hand found his and I held on to it for life. It was cold, almost as cold and lifeless as what my heart felt. I let my other hand trail its fingers across Roy's forehead, down his cheek to his jaw. Then I realized something. He's more open with his feelings than I am and ever will be. He's more willing to show his emotions while I, on the other hand, am always distance and keep everyone at arm's length. Whenever someone comes too close, I push them away.

It's funny really, I'm so close yet so far away.

Rizahawkeye21 

**A/N: **All right. One more rambling and UNNOTICED ends. Don't worry I won't stop writing anymore ROYAI ramblings. I'm gonna start a second part called USELESS, I think. What do you think? Oh and I will be making revisions to my previous ramblings so don't think I've added another chapter after 21. As usual, please review!


	21. What They Feel

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own fma or any of the characters.

What They Feel

I find myself alone once again. No big surprise really. I should be used to spending my nights by myself but I'm not. After so long I got used to the fact that I was never going to be with anyone for the rest of my life. Still it pains me to see couples together, laughing and smiling at each other without a care in the world.

Their hands encircled, their fingers entwined. Her head rests on his shoulder while he escorts her home. She's smiling not noticing the look he's giving her. It's one of contentment. A by stander such as I could very much tell they had found love. I can feel my heart constrict with envy and sadness. I turn my head shielding my eyes from their view and continue on my way.

After awhile I don't know where I'm going any longer. I wander the streets of Central in the dark until I come across a park. It's pretty dark by now and the streetlights have come on, casting eerie shadows on the asphalt. I cross the road and follow a trail that leads into it.

The trees are willows whose branches practically hang from the sky. I pull aside its curtain of leaves to reveal a spectacular sight. Beneath the tree lulled a small lake of water to which batches of fireflies hovered above it zooming every which way. It was such a beautiful place to me I hardly recognized myself to be in the middle of a huge growing city.

A wooden bench was placed beneath the willow and I took a seat. Gazing out onto the lake I didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about anything at all. Not work, not family, not friends and certainly not love, my only love. I felt tears begin to build.

_It's dark out I can cry._

I never allowed myself to cry. Not over something as stupid as this, but I couldn't stop those little droplets from traveling down my face. Besides, it was dark enough that if anyone were to approach me they wouldn't notice.

I heard a twig snap behind me. I swiveled around to see who or what I was. A man with raven black hair and dark eyes, someone I knew. I turned away. _Don't let him be here! _My head screamed.

"Can I sit here?" he asked. I merely nod in response knowing he won't go anytime soon.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" he makes small talk. I can tell he's want to talk about something completely irrelevant.

"Just like you." Or not.

I turn to him with a strange look. What did he mean by that?

He took my hand and pulled me up. Skeptically I followed him down to the water's edge. The moonlight was bright enough to see my wet face. I quickly turned my head so he wouldn't see, but I was too late.

"Why are you crying?" he asks. I don't answer. He takes my head in his hands gently and has me look him in the eye.

"A beauty such as yourself shouldn't be crying… you don't deserve to cry…" he trails off. It's as if he just now realizes everything. Where he is, who he's with. His eyes search mine but I won't, can't meet his piercing orbs.

"Riza…"

That does it. I can't resist anymore. Our eyes meet and to me, it's breath taking. The scenery just makes it even more so. The moon's pale light reflects off his jet-black hair and it nearly makes me weak. Suddenly I notice that the attractively dark hair is coming closer. In my mind I'm screaming "NO DON'T DO IT HE'S YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER!" I hear it but I don't listen to it. His lips are so close I long for them to kiss me.

"Roy-" my voice is cut off by his mouth over mine. A shock wave washes over me. It feels cliché but I don't care. It's what I've wanted for a long time. A simple kiss to ignite the fire within me. For a kiss to make me feel so wanted, needed but above all loved.

We pull away. I inhale and press my forehead against his. He wraps his arms around my waist and I understand how all the women feel now. They feel security and warmth and they never want to let it go. That's how I feel now. That's how I want to stay.

Rizahawkeye21

A/N: hey. Its ended. It was a real pleasure to have written this story for all of you. I could list all of you who have helped me but it would take several pages and a lot of time but I believe I have taken enough time writing this final piece. I hope you understand that I had to get it just right. The perfecting ending. I tried many times and I just couldn't seem to get it. I finally wrote this and decided it was good enough. I hope you enjoy the last installment of UNNOTICED. I will go through and edit eventually that is the only updating I wil be doing anytime soon , just to tell you. The second part, which is still untitled, will hopefully be posted soon. Thank you **_SO_** much.


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